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You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
-Zach Galifianakis
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You Know You Have A Drinking Problem

Zach Galifianakis
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
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Funny Drinking Humor

More From Zach Galifianakis

Men are four; he who knows and knows not that he knows. he is asleep; wake him. he who knows not and knows not that he knows not. he is a fool; shun him. he who knows not and knows that he knows not. he is a child; teach him. he who knows and knows that he knows. he is a king; follow him. the heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.
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There are four types of men in this world: 1. the man who knows, and knows that he knows; he is wise, so consult him. 2. the man who knows, but doesn't know that he knows; help him not forget what he knows. 3. the man who knows not, and knows that he knows not; teach him. 4. finally, there is the man who knows not but pretends that he knows; he is a fool, so avoid him.
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Tobin," mom said disapprovingly. she wasn't a particularly funny person. it suited her professionally - i mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "guy walks into a bar. bartender says, 'what'll ya have?' and the guy says, 'whaddya got?' and the bartender says, 'i don't know what i got, but i know what you got: stage iv melanoma.
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When you sit in a café, with a lot of music in the background and a lot of projects in your head, you're not really drinking your coffee or your tea. you're drinking your projects, you're drinking your worries. you are not real, and the coffee is not real either. your coffee can only reveal itself to you as a reality when you go back to your self and produce your true presence, freeing yourself from the past, the future, and from your worries. when you are real, the tea also becomes real and the encounter between you and the tea is real. this is genuine tea drinking.
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We humans have had from time unknown the compulsion to name things and thus to be able to deal with them. the name we give to something shapes our attitude toward it. and in ancient thought the name itself has power, so that to know someone's name is to have a certain power over him. and in some societies, as you know, there was a public name and a real or secret name, which would not be revealed to others.
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I feel lucky. i do love it, mostly. at college i had it in my heart that i wanted to be a writer but i didn't want to tell anyone about it. then i graduated and became a bartender in philadelphia, writing during the day. i was the worst bartender in the world.
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