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The thoughts he put in her head. someone should’ve arrested him for it.
-Junot Diaz
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The Thoughts He Put In Her Head.

Junot Diaz
The thoughts he put in her head. someone should’ve arrested him for it.
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Should Arrested

More From Junot Diaz

Marriage i think for women is the best of opiates. it kills the thoughts that think about the thoughts, it is the best of opiates. so said maria. but too long in solitude she'd dwelt, and too long her thoughts had felt their strength. so when the man drew near, out popped her thoughts and covered him with fear. poor maria! better that she had kept her thoughts on a chain, for now she's alone again and all in pain; she sighs for the man that went and the thoughts that stay to trouble her dreams by night and her dreams by day.
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And she loved a man who was made out of nothing. a few hours without him and right away she’d be missing him with her whole body, sitting in her office surrounded by polyethylene and concrete and thinking of him. and every time she’d boil water for coffee in her ground-floor office, she’d let the steam cover her face, imagining it was him stroking her cheeks, her eyelids and she’d wait for the day to be over, so she could go to her apartment building, climb the flight of stairs, turn the key in the door, and find him waiting for her, naked and still between the sheets of her empty bed.
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Or perhaps a widow found him and took him in: brought him an easy chair, changed his sweater every morning, shaved his face until the hair stopped growing, took him faithfully to bed with her every night, whispered sweet nothings into what was left of his ear, laughed with him over black coffee, cried with him over yellowing pictures, talked greenly about having kids of her own, began to miss him before she became sick, left him everything in her will, thought of only him as she died, always knew he was fiction but believed in him anyway.
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First thoughts are the everyday thoughts. everyone has those. second thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. people who enjoy thinking have those. third thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. they’re rare, and often troublesome. listening to them is part of witchcraft.
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She wondered whether there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him -- didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his voice and his hands and his love. she had never dreamed of what it would feel like to love someone so much; of all the things that had astonished her in her adventures, that was what astonished her the most. she thought the tenderness it left in her heart was like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it forever.
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All of us--all who knew her--felt so wholesome after we cleaned ourselves on her. we were so beautiful when we stood astride her ugliness. her simplicity decorated us, her guilt sanctified us, her pain made us glow with health, her awkwardness made us think we had a sense of humor. her inarticulateness made us believe we were eloquent. her poverty kept us generous. even her waking dreams we used--to silence our own nightmares.
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