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I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. anybody can have one, ok? i could have had three if i had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

-Chelsea Handler

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I Don't Like People Who Have Babies

Chelsea Handler

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. anybody can have one, ok? i could have had three if i had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

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    <p style="font-size: 1.2rem; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 10px;">"i don&#039;t like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can&#039;t figure out. anybody can have one, ok? i could have had three if i had gone through with any of my pregnancies."</p>
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Baby Pregnancy People

More From Chelsea Handler

In my dreams is a country where the state is the church and the church the people: three in one and one in three. it is a commonwealth in which work is play and play is life: three in one and one in three. it is a temple in which the priest is the worshiper and the worshiper the worshipped: three in one and one in three. it is a godhead in which all life is human and all humanity divine: three in one and one in three.

Babies, babies, babies. why did god make so many babies? but no, god didn't make them. stupid people made them.

You see how hillary clinton tried to jump on jeb bush for talking about "anchor babies"? hillary tweeted, "they aren't called 'anchor babies.' they're called 'babies,'" which is a bit ironic given that hillary's a big supporter of planned parenthood where "babies" are called "tissue mass" and, what, "unviable cells"? whatever it is.

If a bunch of activists want to create the concept of "gay infertility" and then tax all the rest of us to compensate them for the fact that they can't have babies, then that's gonna happen. you haven't missed anything yet. i'm just teasing you as to what's coming. gays now think it's not fair they can't have babies, so they're calling that "infertility," and it will require mandatory health insurance because of it. yeah, i know they're not infertile but that doesn't matter; they can't have babies.

And no one has the right to say that no water-babies exist, till they have seen no water-babies existing; which is quite a different thing, mind, from not seeing water-babies; and a thing which nobody ever did, or perhaps will ever do. but surely ... they would have put it into spirits, or into the illustrated news, or perhaps cut it into two halves, poor dear little thing, and sent one to professor owen, and one to professor huxley, to see what they would each say about it.

I just started trying to figure out how to write [something] which was unlike anything anybody had ever seen, and once i felt like i had figured that out i tried to figure out what kind of book i could write that would be unlike anything anybody had ever seen. when i started writing a million little pieces i felt like it was the right story with the style i had been looking for, and i just kept going.

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I still read quite a few printed books, but if something is available in digital format i do not print it before i read it.

I'm so old that when i started keeping a diary they were in actual books, and i think that's one the reasons that i've never written about sex. because early on you had to worry that someone was going to find your diary, so it's bad enough to be writing like joan didion, but writing like joan didion about sex acts you'd performed with somebody you had known for 20 minutes, that's a bit worse. so i would write in my diary, "i met j. and we had sex five times last night." but i would never write about what we did.

Usually, when people get to the end of a chapter, they close the book and go to sleep. i deliberately write a book so when the reader gets to the end of the chapter, he or she must turn one more page.

A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them.

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