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I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. i'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. end of transaction! we don't need to bring ink and paper into this! i can't imagine a scenario where i'd have to prove that i bought a doughnut. some skeptical friend...'don't even act like i didn't buy that doughnut! i've got the documentation right here! oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. under d...for doughnut.'

-Mitch Hedberg

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I Don't Need A Receipt For A

Mitch Hedberg

I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. i'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. end of transaction! we don't need to bring ink and paper into this! i can't imagine a scenario where i'd have to prove that i bought a doughnut. some skeptical friend...'don't even act like i didn't buy that doughnut! i've got the documentation right here! oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. under d...for doughnut.'

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<blockquote style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; border-left: 4px solid #8b5cf6; padding-left: 15px; margin: 20px 0; background: #f9f9f9; padding: 15px; border-radius: 4px; color: #333;">
    <p style="font-size: 1.2rem; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 10px;">"i don&amp;#039;t need a receipt for a doughnut. i&amp;#039;ll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. end of transaction! we don&amp;#039;t need to bring ink and paper into this! i can&amp;#039;t imagine a scenario where i&amp;#039;d have to prove that i bought a doughnut. some skeptical friend...&amp;#039;don&amp;#039;t even act like i didn&amp;#039;t buy that doughnut! i&amp;#039;ve got the documentation right here! oh, wait, it&amp;#039;s back home, in the file. under d...for doughnut.&amp;#039;"</p>
    <footer style="font-size: 1rem; font-weight: bold;">— Mitch Hedberg</footer>
    <p style="margin-top: 15px; font-size: 0.85rem;"><a href="https://pjdigitalmarketing.com/quote/i-don-t-need-a-receipt-for-a-doughnut-i-ll-just-i4zda" style="color: #8b5cf6; text-decoration: none;">View this quote on Pjdigitalmarketing.com</a></p>
</blockquote>

Topic

Funny Home Humor

More From Mitch Hedberg

To walk in money through the night crowd, protected by money, lulled by money, dulled by money, the crowd itself a money, the breath money, no least single object anywhere that is not money. money, money everywhere and still not enough! and then no money, or a little money, or less money, or more money but money always money. and if you have money, or you don't have money, it is the money that counts, and money makes money, but what makes money make money?

Regardless of how it's done, transaction costs will continue to plummet as computers get more powerful. low transaction costs are a wonderful thing if you're in the transaction business. they're wonderful for consumers too, making it cheaper and easier to buy things and creating new things to buy.

Adult librarians are like lazy bakers: their patrons want a jelly doughnut, so they give them a jelly doughnut. children’s librarians are ambitious bakers: 'you like the jelly doughnut? i’ll get you a jelly doughnut. but you should try my cruller, too. my cruller is gonna blow your mind, kid.

I like "rock, paper, scissors two-thirds." you know. "rock breaks scissors." "these scissors are bent. they're destroyed. i can't cut stuff. so i lose." "scissors cuts paper." "these are strips. this is not even paper. it's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "paper covers rock." "rock is fine. no structural damage to rock. rock can break through paper at any point. just say the word. paper sucks." there should be "rock, dynamite with a cutable wick, scissors."

Home, the idea of home, is my principal purpose. if people have bought a house as an investment or chosen the furniture because they'll be able to sell it for more, you can tell in two minutes. you know, our parents didn't buy a house as an investment. they bought it as a place to bring you up, to give you roots.

I always hated those fantasy books where, at the end, all the kids had to go home. at the end of a narnia book, you always got shown the door. same with the wizard of oz and the phantom tollbooth. you get kicked out of your magic land. it's like, "by the way, here's your next surprise: you get to go home!" and the kids are all like, "yay, we get to go home!" i never bought that. did anybody buy that?

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