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Most of an award-show host's job is showing up and keeping a cool head and soldiering through it, whether it's the oscars or the hallmark channel's 'hero dog awards.'
-Rob Sheffield
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Most Of An Award-show Host's Job Is

Rob Sheffield
Most of an award-show host's job is showing up and keeping a cool head and soldiering through it, whether it's the oscars or the hallmark channel's 'hero dog awards.'
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Dog Jobs Hero

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A new kind of award has been added -- the deathbed award. it is not an award of any kind. either the recipient has not acted at all, or was not nominated, or did not win the award the last few times around. it is intended to relieve the guilty conscience of the academy members and save face in front of the public. the academy has the horrible taste to have a star, choking with emotion, present this deathbed award so that there can be no doubt in anybody's mind why the award is so hurriedly given. lucky is the actor who is too sick to watch the proceedings on television.
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If a dog is biting a black man, the black man should kill the dog, whether the dog is a police dog or a hound dog or any kind of dog. if a dog is fixed on a black man when that black man is doing nothing but trying to take advantage of what the government says is supposed to be his, then that black man should kill that dog or any two-legged dog who sets the dog on him.
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Cool is spent. cool is empty. cool is ex post facto. when advertisers and pundits hoard a word, you know it's time to retire from it. to move on. i want to suggest, therefore, that we begin to avoid cool now. cool is a trick to get you to buy garments made by sweatshop laborers in third world countries. cool is the triumph of the will. cool enables you to step over bodies. cool enables you to look the other way. cool makes you functional, eager for routine distraction, passive, doped, stupid.
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My goal in life was to host the mtv awards, because it's the awards show that prince sang on, and that was the awards show that eddie murphy hosted and arsenio hosted.
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I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. no matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.
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I'm not a comedian. i'm not a show host. i'm a musician. that's why i've turned down offers to host the grammy awards and the american music awards. is it really entertaining for me to get up there and crack a few weak jokes and force people to laugh because i'm michael jackson, when i know in my heart that i'm not funny?
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