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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
-Emo Philips
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In Our School You Were Searched For

Emo Philips
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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Funny School Humor

More From Emo Philips

If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. the first people who are going to be in line to turn in their guns are law-abiding citizens. criminals are going to be left with guns. i believe that concealed carry is a way of reducing gun violence.
Believe Gun Law
Let's make it clear for the dimmest bulbs among you: the kids at columbine high didn't die from too many guns, they died from too few. i'm not suggesting that the teachers should have carried guns not as franchised agents of the state. they should have carried guns as ordinary individuals, exercising a sacred right, and in performance of a solemn duty to protect the young lives that were placed very foolishly, as it turned out in their hands.
Teacher Kids Exercise
I don't know if one's more typecasting than the other, or what i am more like. but i know that the high school i went to was a private school. it was prep school. it was a boarding school. so we didn't have a shop class. we didn't have saturday detention. we went to school on saturday. we did have sunday study, which you very rarely get, because then you have 13 straight days of school. who wants that?
School Sunday Class
I asked for strength, and god gave me difficulties to make me strong. i asked for wisdom, and god gave me problems to learn to solve. i asked for prosperity, and god gave me a brain and brawn to work. i asked for courage, and god gave me dangers to overcome. i asked for love, and god gave me people to help. i asked for favors, and god gave me opportunities. i received nothing i wanted. i received everything i needed.
Strong Opportunity People
Get rid of the guns. we had the second amendment that said you have the right to bear arms. i haven't seen the british really coming by my house looking for it. and besides, the right to bear arms is not an absolute right anyway, as new york's sullivan law proves. we talk about ourselves as a violent society, and some of that is right and some of it is claptrap. but i think if you took away the guns, and i mean really take away the guns, not what congress is doing now, you would see that violent society diminish considerably.
New York Mean Thinking
The other night i searched (the web) for 'self-transforming elf machines.' there were 36 hits! it surprised me. i sort of use the search engine like an oracle. i've used the phrase for dmt, 'arabian hyperspace.' so i thought of this, and then i searched it, 'arabian hyperspace,' in quotes. and it took me right to a transcript of the talk in which i'd said the thing! you can find your own mind on the internet. i'm very grateful to the people who type up my talks and then post them at their websites.
Grateful Night Self
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I'm so grateful that i can play and that i can execute what i hear in my head, because that's the tricky part.
Grateful Play Tricky
We are grateful to the washington post, the new york times, time magazine and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected their promises of discretion for almost 40 years......it would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subjected to the lights of publicity during those years. but, the world is more sophisticated and prepared to march towards a world government. the supernational sovereignty of an intellectual elite and world bankers is surely preferable to the national autodetermination practiced in past centuries.
New York Grateful Past
By the way, you guys seriously screwed up just now. (nero) we know. (they said in unison.) yeah, well, what you don’t know is how grateful your girl is to you. i just thought you should know that you guys are a hero to her…and she thinks we’re all idiots. (nero)
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You may boldly say, you did not plough or trust the barren and ungrateful sands with the fruitful grain of your religious counsels.
Religious Failure Ungrateful

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