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I wondered if there would ever be a day when i didn't think about alaska, wondered whether i should hope for a time when she would be a distant memory - recalled only on the anniversary of her death, or maybe a couple of weeks after, remembering only after having forgotten.

-John Green

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I Wondered If There Would Ever Be

John Green

I wondered if there would ever be a day when i didn't think about alaska, wondered whether i should hope for a time when she would be a distant memory - recalled only on the anniversary of her death, or maybe a couple of weeks after, remembering only after having forgotten.

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    <p style="font-size: 1.2rem; font-style: italic; margin-bottom: 10px;">"i wondered if there would ever be a day when i didn&amp;#039;t think about alaska, wondered whether i should hope for a time when she would be a distant memory - recalled only on the anniversary of her death, or maybe a couple of weeks after, remembering only after having forgotten."</p>
    <footer style="font-size: 1rem; font-weight: bold;">— John Green</footer>
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Couple Memories Thinking

More From John Green

We all know of course, that we should never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever fiddle around in any way with electrical equipment. never.

She wondered whether there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him -- didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his voice and his hands and his love. she had never dreamed of what it would feel like to love someone so much; of all the things that had astonished her in her adventures, that was what astonished her the most. she thought the tenderness it left in her heart was like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it forever.

And then the spirit brings hope, hope in the strictest christian sense, hope which is hoping against hope. for an immediate hope exists in every person; it may be more powerfully alive in one person than in another; but in death every hope of this kind dies and turns into hopelessness. into this night of hopelessness (it is death that we are describing) comes the life-giving spirit and brings hope, the hope of eternity. it is against hope, for there was no longer any hope for that merely natural hope; this hope is therefore a hope contrary to hope.

She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “i had to tell her she would die. her social worker said i had to tell her. i had to tell her she would die, so i told her she was going to heaven. she asked if i would be there, and i said that i would not, not yet. but eventually, she said, and i promised that yes, of course, very soon. and i told her that in the meantime we had great family up there that would take care of her. and she asked me when i would be there, and i told her soon. twenty-two years ago.

I wish it were possible, from this instance, to invent a method of embalming drowned persons in such a manner that they may be recalled to life at any period, however distant; for having a very ardent desire to see and observe the state of america a hundred years hence, i should prefer to any ordinary death the being immersed in a cask of madeira wine with a few friends till that time, to be then recalled to life by the solar warmth of my dear country!

Eventually she came. she appeared suddenly, exactly like she'd done that day- she stepped into the sunshine, she jumped, she laughed and threw her head back, so her long ponytail nearly grazed the waistband of her jeans. after that, i couldn't think about anything else. the mole on the inside of her right elbow, like a dark blot of ink. the way she ripped her nails to shreds when she was nervous. her eyes, deep as a promise. her stomach, pale and soft and gorgeous, and the tiny dark cavity of her belly button. i nearly went crazy.

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