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I was hiding out from the celebrity thing, i was smoking way too much dope, i was sitting on the couch, and just turning into a doughnut, and i really got irritated with myself.
-Brad Pitt
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I Was Hiding Out From The Celebrity

Brad Pitt
I was hiding out from the celebrity thing, i was smoking way too much dope, i was sitting on the couch, and just turning into a doughnut, and i really got irritated with myself.
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Marijuana Dope Smoking

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I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. i'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. end of transaction! we don't need to bring ink and paper into this! i can't imagine a scenario where i'd have to prove that i bought a doughnut. some skeptical friend...'don't even act like i didn't buy that doughnut! i've got the documentation right here! oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. under d...for doughnut.'
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Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. i love to smoke. smoking is fun. smoking is cool. smoking is, as far as i am concerned, the entire point of being an adult. it makes growing up genuinely worthwhile. i am quite well aware of the hazards of smoking. smoking is not a healthful pastime, it is true. smoking is indeed no bracing dip in the ocean, no strenuous series of calisthenics, no two laps around the reservoir. on the other hand, smoking has to its advantage the fact that is a quiet pursuit. smoking is, in effect a dignified sport.
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Adult librarians are like lazy bakers: their patrons want a jelly doughnut, so they give them a jelly doughnut. children’s librarians are ambitious bakers: 'you like the jelly doughnut? i’ll get you a jelly doughnut. but you should try my cruller, too. my cruller is gonna blow your mind, kid.
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All those years on the psychiatrist's couch and suddenly the couch is moving. good god, she is on that couch when the big one hits. maidy didn't tell you, but you know what her doctor said? she sprang from the couch and said, "my god, was that an earthquake?" the doctor said this: "did it feel like an earthquake to you?
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I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] eeww. you ever seen somebody do that? i've seen someone do that. let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] i'd think about quitting. and that's just me, ya know.
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Save yourselves!" percy warned. "it is too late for us!" then he gasped and pointed to the spot where frank was hiding. "oh no! frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!" nothing happened. "i said," percy repeated, "frank is turning into a crazy dolphin." frank stumbled out of nowhere, making a big show of grabbing his throat. "oh no," he said, like he was reading from a teleprompter, "i am turning into a crazy dolphin.
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