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I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.
-Judith Martin
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I Make A Distinction Between Manners And

Judith Martin
I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.
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Principles Different Culture

More From Judith Martin

To sacrifice the principles of manners, which require compassion and respect, and bat people over the head with their ignorance of etiquette rules they cannot be expected to know is both bad manners and poor etiquette. that social climbers and twits have misused etiquette throughout history should not be used as an argument for doing away with it.
Ignorance Sacrifice Compassion
Etiquette is about all of human social behavior. behavior is regulated by law when etiquette breaks down or when the stakes are high - violations of life, limb, property and so on. barring that, etiquette is a little social contract we make that we will restrain some of our more provocative impulses in return for living more or less harmoniously in a community.
Law Community Social Behavior
Shame is the proper reaction when one has purposefully violated the accepted behavior of society. inflicting it is etiquette's response when its rules are disobeyed. the law has all kinds of nasty ways of retaliating when it is disregarded, but etiquette has only a sense of social shame to deter people from treating others in ways they know are wrong. so naturally miss manners wants to maintain the sense of shame. some forms of discomfort are fully justified, and the person who feels shame ought to be dealing with removing its causes rather than seeking to relieve the symptoms.
Law People Missing
There is nothing so bad or so good that you will not find englishmen doing it; but you will never find an englishman in the wrong. he does everything on principle. he fights you on patriotic principles; he robs you on business principles; he enslaves you on imperial principles; he bullies you on manly principles; he supports his king on loyal principles and cuts off his king's head on republican principles.
Kings Patriotic Fighting
You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. but if you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you...there are plenty of people who say, 'we don't care about etiquette, but we can't stand the way so-and-so behaves, and we don't want him around!' etiquette doesn't have the great sanctions that the law has. but the main sanction we do have is in not dealing with these people and isolating them because their behavior is unbearable.
Law People Everyday
Manners are the root, laws only the trunk and branches. manners are the archetypes of laws. manners are laws in their infancy; laws are manners fully grown,--or, manners are children, which, when they grow up, become laws.
Children Growing Up Law
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