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I'm not cruel, sir, i won't shoot you in the guts, but i will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.
-Terry Pratchett
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I'm Not Cruel, Sir, I Won't Shoot

Terry Pratchett
I'm not cruel, sir, i won't shoot you in the guts, but i will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.
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Toes Realizing Granted

More From Terry Pratchett

There are so many things that can provide us with peace. next time you take a shower or a bath, i suggest you hold your big toes in mindfulness. we pay attention to everything except our toes. when we hold our toes in mindfulness and smile at them, we will find that our bodies have been very kind to us. we know that any cell in our toes can turn cancerous, but our toes have been behaving very well, avoiding that kind of problem. yet, we have not been nice to them at all. these kinds of practices can bring us happiness.
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Wishing won't make it so hoping won't do it, praying won't do it religion won't do it, philosophy won't do it the supreme court won't do it, the president and the congress won't do it the un won't do it, the h-bomb won't do it, the sun and the moon won't do it and god won't do it, and i certainly won't do it that leaves you, you'll have to do it
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Hello toes," i say. they're good toes. i like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. i wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "and hello to you, human host!" except they're toes. i'm talking to my toes. maybe i'm not bored... maybe i'm lonely?
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Well, the traveling teachers do come through every few months," said the baron. "yes, sir, i know, sir, and they're useless, sir. they teach facts, not understanding. it's like teaching people about forests by showing them a saw. i want a proper school, sir, to teach reading and writing, and most of all thinking, sir, so people can find what they're good at, because someone doing what they really like is always an asset to any country, and too often people never find out until it's too late.
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Some think guts is sprinting at the end of a race. but guts is what got you there to begin with. guts start back in the hills with 6 miles to go and you're thinking of how you can get out of this race without anyone noticing. guts begin when you still have forty minutes of torture left and you're already hurting more than you ever remember.
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What wasdat, sir? what wazzat sir? what wassat, sir?” “wayne, what are you babbling about?” waxillium asked. “practicing my pretzel guy,” wayne said. “he had a great accent...” waxillium glanced at him. "that hat looks ridiculous.” “fortunately, i can change hats,” wayne said in the pretzel-guy accent, “while you, sir, are stuck with that face.
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