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Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine - once. like the borg, they learn.
-Terry Pratchett
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Every Procedure For Getting A Cat To

Terry Pratchett
Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine - once. like the borg, they learn.
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Cat Pills Borg

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Oh cat, i'd say, or pray: be-ootiful cat! delicious cat! exquisite cat! satiny cat! cat like a soft owl, cat with paws like moths, jewelled cat, miraculous cat! cat, cat, cat, cat.
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You have no control over your cat! you can't say to your cat, "cat, heel! stay! wait! lie down! roll over!" 'cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "interesting words ... have you finished?" while you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going ... [mimes obeying all commands] "what the hell are you doing? i'm talking to the cat!" "oh, i'm sorry!"
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In hamburg the waiters always had preludin - and various other pills, but i remember preludin because it was such a big trip - and they were all taking these pills to keep themselves awake, to work these incredible hours in this all-night place. and so the waiters, when they'd see the musicians falling over with tiredness or with drink, they'd give you the pill. you'd take the pill, you'd be talking, you'd sober up, you could work almost endlessly - until the pill wore off, then you'd have to have another.
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He used to talk to me about russia all the time and had sworn up and down that i'd love it here. "to you, it'd be like a fairy tale," he'd told me. "sorry, comrade. borg and out-of-date music aren't part of any happy ending i've ever imagined." "borscht, not borg. and i've seen your appetite. if you were hungry enough, you'd eat it." "so starvation's necessary for this fairy tale to work out?
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The vitamin has been reified. a chemical intangible originally defined as a unit of nutritive value, it was long ago reified into a pill. now it is a pill; no one except a few precise scientists define it as anything else. once the vitamin became a pill, it became real according to the precepts of american cartesianism: i swallow it, therefore it is.
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I had to persuade a dog to swallow a pill. i twittered for advice and i got suggestion after suggestion. most of them didn't work. 'put the pill in the sausage.' no - that doesn't work. 'cheese.' no. then someone said: 'you wrap it in butter and it will slide down.' i tried it and it worked! and i'd learnt how to give a pill to a dog through the magic of twitter.
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