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All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. that doesn't cost very much money.
-Norm MacDonald
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All My Life's About Is Cracking Up

Norm MacDonald
All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. that doesn't cost very much money.
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Thinking People Dying

More From Norm MacDonald

To walk in money through the night crowd, protected by money, lulled by money, dulled by money, the crowd itself a money, the breath money, no least single object anywhere that is not money. money, money everywhere and still not enough! and then no money, or a little money, or less money, or more money but money always money. and if you have money, or you don't have money, it is the money that counts, and money makes money, but what makes money make money?
Money Night Crowds
Life without balance can cost you your relationships. life without balance can cost you your health. life without balance can cost you your spirituality. life without balance can cost you your wealth and your happiness. so find things to motivate you from all areas of life. your success depends on it.
Balance Cost Spirituality
What is a country? a country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. englishmen are dying for england, americans are dying for america, germans are dying for germany, russians are dying for russia. there are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for.
Country War Fighting
For after all, what is there behind, except money? money for the right kind of education, money for influential friends, money for leisure and peace of mind, money for trips to italy. money writes books, money sells them. give me not righteousness, o lord, give me money, only money.
Book Writing Giving
When a man spends his own money to buy something for himself, he is very careful about how much he spends and how he spends it. when a man spends his own money to buy something for someone else, he is still very careful about how much he spends, but somewhat less what he spends it on. when a man spends someone else's money to buy something for himself, he is very careful about what he buys, but doesn't care at all how much he spends. and when a man spends someone else's money on someone else, he does't care how much he spends or what he spends it on. and that's government for you.
Men Liberty Doe
With our technology, with objects, literally three people in a garage can blow away what 200 people at microsoft can do. literally can blow it away. corporate america has a need that is so huge and can save them so much money, or make them so much money, or cost them so much money if they miss it, that they are going to fuel the object revolution.
Blow Technology America
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Every day, the sun; and, after sunset, night and her stars. ever the winds blow; ever the grass grows. every day, men and women, conversing, beholding and beholden. the scholar is he of all men whom this spectacle most engages. he must settle its value in his mind. what is nature to him?
Stars Sunset Blow
No one was ever born without that light or flame of life. some event, some person stifles or drowns it altogether. i was always tempted to resuscitate such men by my own joyousness or luminosity.when i break glasses in a night club, as the russians do, when my unconscious breaks out in wild rebellions, it is against life which has crippled these idealistic, romantic men. i respect these men, cold, pure, faithful, devoted, moral, delicate, sensitive, and unequal to life, more than i respect the tough-minded ones who return three blows to one received, who kill those who hurt them.
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Every morning when i awake i ask myself whether i should write or blow up a dam. i tell myself i should keep writing, though i'm not sure that's right
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Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow! you cataracts and hurricanoes, spout till you have drenched our teeples, drowned the cocks! you sulphurour and thought-executing fires, vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts, singe my white head! and thou, all-shaking thunder, strike flat the thick rotundity o' the world! crack nature's molds, all germens spill at once that make ingrateful man!
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