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A mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. i said, "a cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." he said, "like what?" i said, "well, it keeps you from being mormon ..."
-Emo Philips
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A Mormon Told Me That They Don't

Emo Philips
A mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. i said, "a cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." he said, "like what?" i said, "well, it keeps you from being mormon ..."
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Funny Coffee Humor

More From Emo Philips

Is it possible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee anymore in this country? what happened with coffee? did i miss a meeting? they have every other flavor but coffee-flavored coffee. they have mochaccino, frappaccino, cappuccino, al pacino...coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup.
Country Coffee Missing
And i have always told the patients when i talk to them. when they come around and say, "what will you have to drink? oh that's right you don't drink." just speak up and say, 'of course i drink. but i just don't drink alcohol.'
Alcohol Patient Speak
I used to think of that line in allen ginsberg's 'howl', about the 'sad cup of coffee'.. ..i have had cold coffee and hot coffee and lousy coffee, but i've never had a sad cup of coffee.
Coffee Thinking Hot
Branson ate his salad, and left the rest of his fish untouched, while grace tucked into his steak and kidney pudding with relish. 'i read a while ago,' he told branson, 'that the french drink more red wine than the english but live longer. the japanese eat more fish than the english but drink less wine and live longer. the germans eat more red meat than the english, and drink more beer and they live longer too. you know the moral of this story? 'no' 'it's not what you eat or drink - it's speaking english that kills you.
Wine Beer Grace
I am not a preacher. i don't want to stand on a soapbox and tell people, "don't drink. don't use drugs." with my kids, i say "don't drink. don't do drugs." but when they turn 21, they can drink. i hope they never use drugs, but people make their own decisions. when they're old enough, they are going to have the chance to make their own decisions. i just hope i have given them enough love and support, and the ability to come and talk to me if they need to.
Kids People Support
Don't drink on an empty stomach: the main point of the refreshment is the enhancement of food. don't drink if you have the blues: it's a junk cure. drink when you are in a good mood. cheap booze is a false economy. it's not true that you shouldn't drink alone: these can be the happiest glasses you ever drain. hangovers are another bad sign, and you should not expect to be believed if you take refuge in saying you can't properly remember last night. (if you really don't remember, that's an even worse sign.)
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