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These Are the Absolute Worst Amazon Prime Day Deals of 2020

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Screenshot: Amazon

Look, I already had beef with Amazon Prime Day 2020. And whereas our mates over at The Stock really care concerning the first rate, probably even “good,” deals you might find, we right here at Gizmodo have an annual tradition of discovering the rubbish that Jeff Bezos and his goons are attempting to hawk to allow them to clear their stock for extra trash. Can you discover offers on belongings you would possibly really use? Certain. However there’s additionally a sea of mediocre crap that you simply by no means knew existed and doubtless don’t want cluttering your own home anyway.

We’re destroying our eyeballs and sacrificing our psychological well being scouring the hellsite for the issues it is best to completely not purchase, until you’re irony-poisoned and doing it out of spite. Why are we doing this? So that you don’t should. Additionally for the shits and giggles.

I’ll be updating the checklist over as we speak and tomorrow as we come throughout extra actually heinous buys. Should you see one be at liberty to hit me up at vsong@gizmodo.com.

Bitter Apricot Seeds

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Screenshot: Amazon

Before this deal, I was not aware you could, in fact, eat apricot seeds. Or why you might even want to eat bitter apricot seeds. Apparently, Amazon knows that too. These were on sale between…12:50 am and 6:50 am. The description reads: “Bitterness is the first real indicator of nature’s high potency B17 found in genuine bitter apricots seeds…B17 has a slight numbing sensation in the mouth.” It, uh, sounds great. Except that WebMD says there’s a shady historical past behind apricot seeds, B17, and basic wellness schlock.

Polarized Sports Sunglasses for Men Women Youth Baseball Fishing Cycling Running Golf Motorcycle Tac Glasses UV 4000

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Screenshot: Amazon

Thanks, I hate that several people decided hell yeah, I’m going to spend $14 on these pair of knockoff Oakleys with the SEO-pumped name. You look like a blue douche.

BigOtters Slot Machine Toy

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Screenshot: Amazon

When you want to install very good habits in children, and/or be that insensitive dick giving this “creative gift” to someone with a gambling addiction. Even for $7.60, I can see no reason why a human would want to buy this…

Vekkia 12 LED Rechargeable Book Light

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Screenshot: Amazon

What is this alien ass book light? As someone who used to use book lights, one light is fine, thank you very much. Also, last I checked you can only read one page at a time? And book lights are already adjustable? Who is this for????

Motivational Monitoring Water Bottle

Illustration for article titled These Are the Absolute Worst Amazon Prime Day Deals of 2020

Screenshot: Amazon

Look, all of us must hydrate. What we don’t must do is encourage horrible typography or pay $16 for a “humorous” joke that’s not foxing humorous. God effing rattling, simply say fuck like an grownup or higher but, don’t attempt to be edgy on a dumbass water bottle.

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Author

Victoria Song