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You kill me and i'll see that you never work in this town again.
-Steve Martin
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You Kill Me And I'll See That

Steve Martin
You kill me and i'll see that you never work in this town again.
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Funny Humor Towns

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A guy's calling to say he's failing algebra ii. just as a point of practice, i say, kill yourself. a woman calls and says her kids won't behave. without missing a beat, i tell her, kill yourself. a man calls to say his car won't start. kill yourself. a woman calls to ask what time the late movie starts. kill yourself. she asks, "isn't this 555-1327? is this the moorehouse cineplex? i say, kill yourself. kill yourself. kill yourself.
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Strip back the beliefs pasted on by governesses, schools, and states, you find indelible truths at one's core. rome'll decline and fall again, cortés'll lay tenochtitlán to waste again, and later, ewing will sail again, adrian'll be blown to pieces again, you and i'll sleep under the corsican stars again, i'll come to bruges again, fall in and out of love with eva again, you'll read this letter again, the sun'll grow cold again. nietzsche's gramophone record. when it ends, the old one plays it again, for an eternity of eternities.
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You can't kill love. you can't even kill it with hate. you can kill in-love, and loving, and even loveliness. you can kill them all, or numb them into dense, leaden regret, but you can't kill love itself. love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forever. every act of love, every moment of the heart reaching out, is a part of the universal good: it's a part of god, or what we call god, and it can never die.
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Are you angry? punch a pillow. was it satisfying? not hardly. these days people are too angry for punching. what you might try is stabbing. take an old pillow and lay it on the front lawn. stab it with a big pointy knife. again and again and again. stab hard enough for the point of the knife to go into the ground. stab until the pillow is gone and you are just stabbing the earth again and again, as if you want to kill it for continuing to spin, as if you are getting revenge for having to live on this planet day after day, alone.
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The fish is my friend too...i have never seen or heard of such a fish. but i must kill him. i am glad we do not have to try to kill the stars. imagine if each day a man must try to kill the moon, he thought. the moon runs away. but imagine if a man each day should have to try to kill the sun? we were born lucky; he thought
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All the time, i'm afraid the thing that happened that made it all right for my mother to kill my sister could happen again. i don't know what it is, i don't know who it is, but maybe there is something else terrible enough to make her do it again. i need to know what that thing might be, but i don't want to. whatever it is, it comes from outside this house, outside the yard, and it can come right on in the yard if it wants to. so i never leave this house and i watch over the yard, so it can't happen again and my mother won't have to kill me too.
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