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Secrets of the heart. we swallow hard against them every day, forcing them deep inside us. there they sit, growing heavier, festering. given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them.
-Patrick Rothfuss
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Secrets Of The Heart. We Swallow Hard

Patrick Rothfuss
Secrets of the heart. we swallow hard against them every day, forcing them deep inside us. there they sit, growing heavier, festering. given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them.
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Crush Heart Secret

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Oh, my god," augustus said. "i can't believe i have a crush on a girl with such cliché wishes." "i was thirteen," i said again, although of course i was only thinking "crush crush crush crush crush". i was flattered but changed the subject immediately.
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My life is routine. i wake up early in the morning. i brush my teeth. i sit on the floor of the cell i do not go to breakfast. i stare at a gray cement wall. i keep my legs crossed my back straight my eyes forward. i take deep breaths in and out, in and out, and i try not to move. i sit for as long as i can i sit until everything hurts i sit until everything stops hurting i sit until i lose myself in the gray wall i sit until my mind becomes as blank as the gray wall. i sit and i stare and i breathe. i sit and i stare. i breathe.
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Thinking about something is like picking up a stone when taking a walk, either while skipping rocks on the beach, for example, or looking for a way to shatter the glass doors of a museum. when you think about something, it adds a bit of weight to your walk, and as you think about more and more things you are liable to feel heavier and heavier, until you are so burdened you cannot take any further steps, and can only sit and stare at the gentle movements of the ocean waves or security guards, thinking too hard bout too many things to do anything else.
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In sufi terms the crushing of the ego is called nafs kushi. and how do we crush it? we crush it by sometimes taking ourselves to task. when the self says, 'o no, i must not be treated like this,' then we say, 'what does it matter?' when the self says, 'he ought to have done this, she ought to have said that,' we say, 'what does it matter, either this way or that way? every person is what he is; you cannot change him, but you can change yourself.' that is the crushing. ... it is only in this way that we can crush our ego.
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Secrets have power. and that power diminishes when they are shared, so they are best kept and kept well. sharing secrets, real secrets, important ones, with even one other person, will change them. writing them down is worse, because who can tell how many eyes might see them inscribed on paper, no matter how careful you might be with it. so it's really best to keep your secrets when you have them, for their own good, as well as yours.
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What makes a free thinker is not his beliefs, but the way in which he holds them. if he holds them because his elders told him they were true when he was young, or if he holds them because if he did not he would be unhappy, his thought is not free; but if he holds them because, after careful thought, he finds a balance in their favor, then his thought is free, however odd his conclusions may seem.
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