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Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.
-Homer
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Porkchops And Bacon, My Two Favorite Animals.

Homer
Porkchops and bacon, my two favorite animals.
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Animal Two

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We owe them [animals] a decent life and a decent death, and their lives should be as low-stress as possible. that's my job. i wish animals could have more than just a low-stress life and a quick, painless death. i wish animals could have a good life, too, with something useful to do. people were animals, too, once, and when we turned into human beings we gave something up. being close to animals brings some of it back.
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Humans — who enslave, castrate, experiment on, and fillet other animals — have had an understandable penchant for pretending animals do not feel pain. a sharp distinction between humans and 'animals' is essential if we are to bend them to our will, make them work for us, wear them, eat them — without any disquieting tinges of guilt or regret. it is unseemly of us, who often behave so unfeelingly toward other animals, to contend that only humans can suffer. the behavior of other animals renders such pretensions specious. they are just too much like us.
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Animals are like autistic savants. in fact, i'd go so far as to say that animals might actually be autistic savants. animals have special talents normal people don't, the same way autistic people have special talents normal people don't; and at least some animals have special forms of genius normal people don't, the same way some autistic savants have special forms of genius. i think most of the time animal genius probably happens for the same reason autistic genius does: a difference in the brain autistic people share with animals.
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Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. you got one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. ... ok, now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp. ... you want to hit 'em all and you wanna mix 'em up. you gotta keep 'em on their toes. ... you could start out with a little one. a two. a one, two, three. a three. a five. a four. a three, two. two. a two, four, six. two, four, six. four. two. two. four, seven! five, seven! six, seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! [holds up seven fingers]
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The world is split into two halves: the bacon, and the bacon eaters.
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If i'm out trailriding, i have a favorite motorcycle. riding on the road, i've got a favorite. if i'm jumping, i have a favorite, and if i'm racing, i have a favorite.
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