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My mother worked on a whole bunch of those; she worked on what's my line?, i've got a secret, play your hunch... in my memory, she worked on to tell the truth. so it was her job to brief the imposters.
-Cynthia Nixon
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My Mother Worked On A Whole Bunch

Cynthia Nixon
My mother worked on a whole bunch of those; she worked on what's my line?, i've got a secret, play your hunch... in my memory, she worked on to tell the truth. so it was her job to brief the imposters.
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Mother Jobs Memories

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Keeping a slow hunch alive poses challenges on multiple scales. for starters, you have to preserve the hunch in your own memory, in the dense network of your neurons. most slow hunches pass in and out of our memory too quickly, precisely because they possess a certain murkiness. you get a feeling that there's an interesting avenue to explore, a problem that might lead you to a solution, but then you get distracted by more pressing matters and the hunch disappears. so part of the secret of hunch cultivation is simple: write everything down.
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Without a doubt, one of the things which keeps us from attaining perfection is our tongue. when one has reached the point of no longer committing faults in speech, he has surely reached perfection, as was said by the holy spirit. the worst defect in talking is talking too much. hence, in speech be brief and virtuous, brief and gentle, brief and simple, brief and charitable, brief and amiable.
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One thing i did have under my belt was, my mother lost her mother when she was 11. she mourned her mother her whole life and made my grandmother seem present even though i never met her. i couldn't imagine how my mom could go on but she did, she took care of us, she worked two jobs and had four children. she was such a good example of how to conduct oneself in a time of grief. when i lost my husband, i tried to model myself as much as i could on her.
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She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “i had to tell her she would die. her social worker said i had to tell her. i had to tell her she would die, so i told her she was going to heaven. she asked if i would be there, and i said that i would not, not yet. but eventually, she said, and i promised that yes, of course, very soon. and i told her that in the meantime we had great family up there that would take care of her. and she asked me when i would be there, and i told her soon. twenty-two years ago.
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For a mother the project of raising a boy is the most fulfilling project she can hope for. she can watch him, as a child, play the games she was not allowed to play; she can invest in him her ideas, aspirations, ambitions, and values - or whatever she has left of them; she can watch her son, who came from her flesh and whose life was sustained by her work and devotion, embody her in the world. so while the project of raising a boy is fraught with ambivalence and leads inevitably to bitterness, it is the only project that allows a woman to be - to be through her son, to live through her son.
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And she loved a man who was made out of nothing. a few hours without him and right away she’d be missing him with her whole body, sitting in her office surrounded by polyethylene and concrete and thinking of him. and every time she’d boil water for coffee in her ground-floor office, she’d let the steam cover her face, imagining it was him stroking her cheeks, her eyelids and she’d wait for the day to be over, so she could go to her apartment building, climb the flight of stairs, turn the key in the door, and find him waiting for her, naked and still between the sheets of her empty bed.
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