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I'll be 56 this year, i've got two kids, and i think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
-P. J. O'Rourke
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I'll Be 56 This Year, I've Got

P. J. O'Rourke
I'll be 56 this year, i've got two kids, and i think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes.
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Topic
Writing Kids Thinking

More From P. J. O'Rourke

I learned all those jokes in second grade. second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and misogynistic jokes that you have no idea what they mean, and you just memorize them because they have a very strong effect, they make people laugh in this kind of nervous, horrible way, and it's only later that you realize that you've got a head full of crap.
Strong Mean Ideas
I have a hard time writing. most writers have a hard time writing. i have a harder time than most because i'm lazier than most. [...] the other problem i have is fear of writing. the act of writing puts you in confrontation with yourself, which is why i think writers assiduously avoid writing. [...] not writing is more of a psychological problem than a writing problem. all the time i'm not writing i feel like a criminal. [...] it's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. especially when it goes on for years. it's much more relaxing actually to work.
Writing Hard Times Thinking
Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. you got one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven. ... ok, now most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp. ... you want to hit 'em all and you wanna mix 'em up. you gotta keep 'em on their toes. ... you could start out with a little one. a two. a one, two, three. a three. a five. a four. a three, two. two. a two, four, six. two, four, six. four. two. two. four, seven! five, seven! six, seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! seven! [holds up seven fingers]
Two Guy Toes
This is a devastating problem, is, the longer our children are in school, the worse they do. year after year after year, our children in america are falling further behind. our 3- and 4-year-olds enter kindergarten ok, and they fall further and further behind. each year, children in other countries are learning more than children in this country. and so the gap between american student performance in singapore and finland and south korea and canada and these other countries, the gap widens year after year after year.
Country Children Fall
And dressed her [madonna] up like a turkey. after i read that stuff, i thought long and hard about what one would do to dress someone up like a turkey. and i nailed it. i figured you've got to get out the playtex glove, blow it up and put the glove over the head.
Blow Turkeys Long
Universal love is a glove without fingers, which fits all bands alike and none closely; but true affection is like a glove with fingers, which fits one hand only, and sits close to that one.
Love Is Hands Band
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