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If i thought the lord was speaking to me i'd check myself into bellevue, and i think you should too.
-Bill Maher
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If I Thought The Lord Was Speaking

Bill Maher
If i thought the lord was speaking to me i'd check myself into bellevue, and i think you should too.
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Thinking Lord Checks

More From Bill Maher

Sam harris made that great analogy. he said, 'if someone was talking into their hair dryer and claiming that they were speaking to god, they would call bellevue. but, take away the hair dryer, it's just praying.'
Hair Talking Analogies
Lord polonius: what do you read, my lord? hamlet: words, words, words. lord polonius: what is the matter, my lord? hamlet: between who? lord polonius: i mean, the matter that you read, my lord.
Mean Matter Lord
Hudson taylor said, "the lord's work done in the lord's way will never fail to have the lord's provision." ...the lord's work done in human energy is not the lord's work any longer. it is something, but it is not the lord's work.
God Energy Done
How this feels is i'm just another task in god's daily planner: the renaissance pencilled in for right after the dark ages. the information age is scheduled immediately after the industrial revolution. then the post-modern era, then the four horsemen of the apocalypse. famine. check. pestilence. check. war. check. death. check. and between the big events, the earthquakes and tidal waves, god's got me squeezed in for a cameo appearance. then maybe in thirty years, or maybe next year, god's daily planner has me finished.
War Dark Years
Being sick allows you to check out of life. getting well again means you have to check back in. it is absolutely crucial that you feel ready to check back into life because you feel as though something has changed from the time before you were sick. whatever it was that made you feel insecure, less than, or pressured to live in a way that was uncomfortable to you has to change before you want to go back there and start over.
Get Well Mean Insecure
You will not get to steal quietly into heaven, into christ's company, without a conflict and a cross. i find crosses to be christ's carved work that he marks out for us and that with crosses he portraits us to his own image, cutting away pieces of our ill and corruption. lord cut - lord carve - lord wound - lord do anything that may perfect thy father's image in us and make us ready for glory.
Father Cutting Perfect
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Why do you mention my father?' screamed he; 'why do you mingle a recollection of him with the affairs of today?' because i am he who saved your father's life when he wished to destroy himself, as you do today-because i am the man who sent the purse to your young sister, and the paraon to old morrel-because i am the edmond dantes who nursed you, a child, on my knees.
Children Father Men
My father came from a very poor background, but i was very fortunate in the sense that we were never in need. my dad was determined to make sure that we didn't want for things. he wanted to give us more opportunity than he had, a better shot at a better life.
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The purpose of my life is being a father to my kids and being a husband to my wife.
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It was my father who could do no wrong. so i didn't think of it as, oh, look, my father's a violent man.
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