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I saw that she was crying. before i knew it, i was kissing her. others on the platform were staring at us, but i didn't care about such things anymore. we were alive, she and i. and all we had to think about was continuing to live.
-Haruki Murakami
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I Saw That She Was Crying. Before

Haruki Murakami
I saw that she was crying. before i knew it, i was kissing her. others on the platform were staring at us, but i didn't care about such things anymore. we were alive, she and i. and all we had to think about was continuing to live.
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Kissing Thinking Alive

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She didn’t understand why it was happening,” he said. “i had to tell her she would die. her social worker said i had to tell her. i had to tell her she would die, so i told her she was going to heaven. she asked if i would be there, and i said that i would not, not yet. but eventually, she said, and i promised that yes, of course, very soon. and i told her that in the meantime we had great family up there that would take care of her. and she asked me when i would be there, and i told her soon. twenty-two years ago.
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She wondered whether there would ever come an hour in her life when she didn't think of him -- didn't speak to him in her head, didn't relive every moment they'd been together, didn't long for his voice and his hands and his love. she had never dreamed of what it would feel like to love someone so much; of all the things that had astonished her in her adventures, that was what astonished her the most. she thought the tenderness it left in her heart was like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it forever.
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So then i thought, i'd like you to have something to remember me by, you know, if you ever meet some veela when you're off doing whatever you're doing.' i think dating opportunities are going to be pretty thin on the ground, to be honest.' there's a silver lining i've been looking for,' she whispered, and then she was kissing him as she never kissed him before, and harry was kissing her back, and it was a blissful oblivion, better than firewhiskey; she was the only real thing in the world, ginny, the feel of her, one hand on her back, the other in her long sweet-smelling hair.
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She smiled. she knew she was dying. but it did not matter any longer. she had known something which no human words could ever tell and she knew it now. she had been awaiting it and she felt it, as if it had been, as if she had lived it. life had been, if only because she had known it could be, and she felt it now as a hymn without sound, deep under the little whole that dripped red drops into the snow, deeper than that from which the red drops came. a moment or an eternity- did it matter? life, undefeated, existed and could exist. she smiled, her last smile, to so much that had been possible.
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They'd had fun, for sure. they laughed and enjoyed being together. but if she was painfully honest with herself, something was missing. something in the way tim looked at her. she remembered her mom's word. "i saw the way he looked at you...he adores you." maybe that was it. tim looked at her on a surface level. he smiled and seemed happy to see her. but when cody looked at her, there were no layers left, nothing her didn't reveal, nothing he couldn't see. he didn't really look at her so much as he looked into her. to the deepest, most real places in her heart and soul.
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He stepped toward her, and her heart just ached from it. his face was so handsome, and so dear, and so perfectly wonderfully familiar. she knew the slope of his cheeks, and the exact shade of his eys, brownish near the iris, melting into green at the edge. and his mouth-she knew that mouth, the look of it, the feel of it. she knew his smile, and she knew his frown, and she knew- she knew far to much.
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