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I noticed that there are no b batteries. i think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'yes, hello i'd like some b-batteries.' 'what kind?' 'b-batteries.' 'what kind?' 'b-batteries!' and d-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'yes, i would like de batteries.'
-Demetri Martin
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I Noticed That There Are No B

Demetri Martin
I noticed that there are no b batteries. i think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'yes, hello i'd like some b-batteries.' 'what kind?' 'b-batteries.' 'what kind?' 'b-batteries!' and d-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'yes, i would like de batteries.'
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Funny Im Sorry Humor

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Percy, meet gladiola. gladiola, percy." i stared at annabeth, figuring she'd crack up at this practical joke they were playing on me, but she looked deadly serious. "i'm not saying hello to a pink poodle," i said. "forget it." "percy," annabeth said. "i said hello to the poodle. you say hello to the poodle." the poodle growled. "i said hello to the poodle.
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The americans are poor haters in international affairs because of their innate feeling of superiority over all foreigners. an american's hatred for a fellow american is far more virulent than any antipathy he can work up against foreigners. should americans begin to hate foreigners wholeheartedly, it will be an indication that they have lost confidence in their own way of life.
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We cheated, you and me, and someone noticed. i noticed you; someone else noticed me. it hurts us. that's not so bad. so many people cheat. everywhere on every level. everyone's cheated. i'm just saying that you don't need to see yourself as a cheater. because that's not who you are. you're someone who cheated. there's a difference, and you should try to get that difference, or that's who you'll grow up to be.
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Knock! knock! who's there? me! me who? that's right? what's right? meehoo! that's what i want to know! what's what you want to know? me who? yes, exactly! exactly what? yes, i have exactlywatt on a chain! exactly what on a chain? yes! yes what? no, exactlywatt! that's what i want to know! i told you-exactlywatt! exactly what? yes! yes what? yes it's with me. what's with you? exactlywatt-that's what with me. me who? yes! go away! knock knock...
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Find a way to say yes to things. say yes to invitations to a new country, say yes to meet new friends, say yes to learning a new language, picking up a new sport. yes is how you get your first job, and your next job, and your spouse, and even your kids. even if it's a bit edgy, a bit out of your comfort zone, saying yes means that you will do something new, meet someone new, and make a difference in your life. yes lets you stand out in a crowd, be the optimist, to stay positive, be the one everyone comes to. yes is what keeps us all young.
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What you and i need to do is learn to forget our differences. when we come together, we don't come together as baptists or methodists. you don't catch hell 'cause you're a baptist, and you don't catch hell 'cause you're a methodist... you don't catch hell because you're a democrat or a republican. you don't catch hell because you're a mason or an elk. and you sure don't catch hell 'cause you're an american; 'cause if you was an american, you wouldn't catch no hell. you catch hell 'cause you're a black man. you catch hell, all of us catch hell, for the same reason.
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