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I just felt as though i would never be happy again, and as if i had fallen into a big black hole.
-Brooke Shields
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I Just Felt As Though I Would

Brooke Shields
I just felt as though i would never be happy again, and as if i had fallen into a big black hole.
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Black Mental Illness Holes

More From Brooke Shields

White people scare the crap out of me. i have never been attacked by a black person, never been evicted by a black person, never had my security deposit ripped off by a black landlord, never had a black landlord, never been pulled over by a black cop, never been sold a lemon by a black car salesman, never seen a black car salesman, never had a black person deny me a bank loan, never had a black person bury my movie, and i've never heard a black person say, 'we're going to eliminate ten thousand jobs here - have a nice day!'
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So often, we blame other people when, really, the problem is right down in here. i'm not happy. i don't know what's wrong. if i just had another job, i could be happy. if i just get married, i would be happy. well if i just wasn't married, i would be happy. well, if i just had some kids, i'll be happy. i'll be happy when these kids finally grow up and get out of here. if i had a bigger house, i would be happy. well, i got a big house. now if i just had a maid to clean, i'd be happy. well, now if i just had a maid i could get along with better, i'd be happy.
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Well, congress gave us a billion dollars to dig the hole, this gigantic hole. bigger, much bigger than the hole in geneva, switzerland. then they canceled the machine and gave us a second billion dollars to fill up the hole. two billion dollars to dig a hole and fill it up. that is the wisdom of the united states congress and it really makes you wonder: is there intelligent life on the earth? certainly not in the united states congress.
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I felt like it was a courageous show [black-ish] from the beginning. we are a black family - we're not a family that happens to be black. but the show is not even about us being black. the show is about us being a family. that is groundbreaking - on tv, the black characters either happen to be black or they're the "black character," where everything they say is about being black. i think that's the genius.
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You didn't plan to write a story; it just happened. well, it could be argued that the next thing you should do is find a hole to dig. right? so you start digging a hole and then somebody brings a body along and puts it in. that's what a story must feel like to me. it's not that you say, "i want to write a story about a gravedigger." but you're walking along and "i don't know what i'm doing here in this story,' and - boop! a shovel. "oh, interesting. ok, what does one do with a shovel? digs a hole. why? i don't know yet. dig the hole! oh, look a body."
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I, however, like black. it is a color that makes me comfortable and the color with which i have the most experience. in the darkest darkness, all is black. in the deepest hole, all is black. in the terror of my addicted mind, all is black. in the empty periods of my lost memory, all is black. i like black, goddammit, and i am going to give it its due.
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America was different. america was a river, roarng along, unmindful of the past. i could wade into this river, let my sins drown to the bottom, let the waters carry me someplace far. someplace with no ghosts, no memories, and no sins.
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