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I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.
-Mitch Hedberg
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I Had A Chicken Finger That Was

Mitch Hedberg
I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.
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Funny Humor Hands

More From Mitch Hedberg

It is often said that the buddha's teaching is only a raft to help you cross the river, a finger pointing to the moon. don't maistake the finger for the moon. the raft is not the shore. if we cling to the raft, if we cling to the finger, we miss everything. we cannot, in the name of the finger or the raft kill each other. human life is more precious than any ideology, any doctrine.
Teaching Moon Names
A religious belief is not a statement about reality, but a hint, a clue about something that is a mystery, beyond the grasp of human thought. in short, a religious belief is only a finger pointing to the moon. some religious people never get beyond the study of the finger. others are engaged in sucking it. others yet use the finger to gouge their eyes out. these are the bigots whom religion has made blind. rare indeed is the religionist who is sufficiently detached from the finger to see what it is indicating - these are those who, having gone beyond belief, are taken for blasphemers.
Religious Taken Eye
It is the system itself that, that is incapable of producing freedom for the twenty-two million afro-americans. just like a chicken can't lay a duck egg, a chicken can't lay a duck egg, because the system of the chicken isn't constructed in the way to produce a duck egg. and just as that chicken system can't produce, is not capable to, of producing a duck egg, the political and economic system of this country is absolutely incapable of producing freedom and justice and equality and human dignity for the twenty-two million afro-americans.
Country Eggs Two
[stephanie] 'you see, mrs. mayer was going on about george's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his ring, and so grandma had to check the ring out, and in the process broke off one of george's fingers. turns out the finger was wax. somehow kenny got into the mortuary this morning, left spiro a note, and chopped off george's finger. and then while i was at the mall tonight with mary lou, kenny threatened me in the shoe department. that must have been when he put the finger in my pocket.' [morelli] 'have you been drinking?
Morning Drinking Grandma
The chicken noticed that the farmer came every day to feed it. it predicted that the farmer would continue to bring food every day. inductivists think that the chicken had "extrapolated" its observations into a theory, and that each feeding time added justification to that theory. then one day the farmer came and wrung the chicken's neck. this inductively justifies the conclusion that induction cannot justify any conclusion.
Thinking One Day Necks
I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. it’s a strange piece of machinery . . . we will take the chicken, kill it, impale it, and then rotate it. and i’ll be damned if i’m not hungry! because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water! i like dizzy chicken. with a side of potatoes of some sort.
Thinking Water Mouths
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