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I did not care what it was all about. all i wanted to know was how to live in it. maybe if you found out how to live in it you learned from that what is was all about.
-Ernest Hemingway
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I Did Not Care What It Was

Ernest Hemingway
I did not care what it was all about. all i wanted to know was how to live in it. maybe if you found out how to live in it you learned from that what is was all about.
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Care Found Wanted

More From Ernest Hemingway

Maybe it’s my own fault. maybe i led you to believe it was easy when it wasn’t. maybe i made you think my highlights started at the free throw line, and not in the gym. maybe i made you think that every shot i took was a game winner. that my game was built on flash, and not fire. maybe it’s my fault that you didn’t see that failure gave me strength; that my pain was my motivation. maybe i led you to believe that basketball was a god given gift, and not something i worked for every single day of my life. maybe i destroyed the game. or maybe you’re just making excuses.
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Changing things is not easy, and i say this without any irony. it is not that someone does not want to, but because it is a hard thing to do. take obama, a forward-thinking man, a liberal, a democrat. did he not pledge to shut down guantanamo before his election? but did he do it? no, he did not. and may i ask why not? did he not want to do it? he wanted to, i am sure he did, but it did not work out. he sincerely wanted to do it, but did not succeed, since it turned out to be very complicated.
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If i had been a different sort of person, maybe less impressionable, less intense, less fearful, less utterly dependent upon the perceptions of others - maybe then i would not have bought the cultural party line that thinness is the be-all and end-all of goals. maybe if my family had not been in utter chaos most of the time, maybe if my parents were a little better at dealing with their own lives maybe if i'd gotten help sooner, or if i'd gotten different help, maybe if i didn't so fiercely cherish my secret, or if i were not such a good liar, or were not quite so empty inside... maybe.
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I do not care for anything. i do not care to ride, for the exercise is too violent. i do not care to walk, walking is too strenuous. i do not care to lie down, for i should either have to remain lying, and i do not care to do that, or i should have to get up again, and i do not care to do that either. summa summarum: i do not care at all.
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If you spend your own money on yourself, you care how much you spend and how well you spend it. if you spend your own money on someone else, you care how much you spend, but you don't care how well it is spent. if you spend someone else's money on yourself, you don't care how much you spend, but you do care how well it is spent. and finally, if you spend someone else's money on someone else, you don't care how much you spend, and you don't care how well it is spent. that is government.
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Longing surged up within me. i wanted it. oh god, i wanted it. i didn't want to hear jerome chastise me for my "all lowlifes, all the time" seduction policy. i wanted to come home and tell someone about my day. i wanted to go out dancing on the weekends. i wanted to take vacations together. i wanted someone to hold me when i was upset, when the ups and downs of the world pushed me too far. i wanted someone to love.
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