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Bert williams was the funniest man i ever saw and the saddest man i ever knew.
-W. C. Fields
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Bert Williams Was The Funniest Man I

W. C. Fields
Bert williams was the funniest man i ever saw and the saddest man i ever knew.
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Men Saws Saddest

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We all know of course, that we should never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever fiddle around in any way with electrical equipment. never.
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I turned down halloween parties every year, where people wanted zombies raised at the stroke of midnight or some such nonsense. the scarier my reputation got, the more people wanted me to come be scary for them. i'd told bert i could always go and threaten to shoot all the partygoers, that'd be scary. bert had not been amused. but he had stopped asking me to do parties.
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Mrs forrester ... sat in state, pretending not to know what cakes were sent up, though she knew, and we knew, and she knew that we knew, and we knew that she knew that we knew, she had been busy all the morning making tea-bread and sponge-cakes.
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I saw the horrible way that people could treat each other. that may be the saddest thing of all. i saw greed and anger and murder and a total lack of concern for human life. it was a wicked side of the human soul that i saw... and it saddened me to know that such a dark place existed.
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I don't know if it's ever happened to you, but it's one of my funniest and saddest experiences, when you go into a hotel, and they have an accessible walk-in shower. so you go in and open the curtain, and there is a bench off to the side of the shower. however, the shower is rectangular. on one side there's a bench, but the faucets are across from you. so if you sit on the bench, you cannot reach the faucets.
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I stole your childhood and now i’ve led you by the hand to your death. but the worst thing is, i knew. i knew this would happen. this is what always happens. forget your faith in me. i took you with me because i was vain. because i wanted to be adored. look at you. glorious pond, the girl who waited for me. i’m not a hero. i really am just a mad man in a box. and it’s time we saw each other as we really are. amy williams, it’s time to stop waiting.
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