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Because it corresponds to a vital need, love is overvalued in our culture. it becomes a phantom - like success - carrying with it the illusion that it is a solution for all problems.
-Karen Horney
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Because It Corresponds To A Vital Need,

Karen Horney
Because it corresponds to a vital need, love is overvalued in our culture. it becomes a phantom - like success - carrying with it the illusion that it is a solution for all problems.
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Love Is Needs Culture

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What is illusion? m.: to whom is the illusion? find it out. then illusion will vanish. generally people want to know about illusion and do not examine to whom it is. it is foolish. illusion is outside and unknown. but the seeker is considered to be known and is inside. find out what is immediate, intimate, instead of trying to find out what is distant and unknown.
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The things that inform student culture are created and controlled by the unseen culture, the sociological aspects of our climbing culture, our 'me' generation, our yuppie culture, our suvs, or, you know, shopping culture, our war culture.
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It is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning. problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. it is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. it is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn.
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Our moral reasoning is plagued by two illusions. the first illusion can be called the wag-the-dog illusion: we believe that our own moral judgment (the dog) is driven by our own moral reasoning (the tail). the second illusion can be called the wag-theother-dog's-tail illusion: in a moral argument, we expect the successful rebuttal of an opponent's arguments to change the opponent's mind. such a belief is like thinking that forcing a dog's tail to wag by moving it with your hand will make the dog happy.
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We're running into a lot of new problems today because of what we emphasize in this culture. the word 'success' to the average person means earning a lot of money and having a home, two cars, children in college. success to me is entirely different to what success is to the average person. success is being a successful human being in terms of pursuing what you believe in. if you believe in making paintings, writing poetry, writing music. if this is what you really want, you're successful to yourself. but to be successful to your culture means to sell yourself short of what you really want
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A culture-bearing book, like a mule, bears the culture on its back. no one should sit down to write one deliberately. culture-bearing books appear almost accidentally, like a sudden surge in the stock market. there are books of high quality that are a part of the culture, but that is not the same. they are a part of it. they aren't carrying it anywhere. they may talk about insanity sympathetically, for example, because that's the standard cultural attitude. but they don't carry any suggestion that insanity might be something other than sickness or degeneracy.
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I think that both here and in england there are two schools of thought--those who would be altruistic in regard to the germans, hoping that by loving kindness to make them christian again--and those who would adopt a much tougher attitude. most decidedly i belong to the latter school, for though i am not blood-thirsty, i want the germans to know that this time at least they have definitely lost the war.
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Aestheticism and radicalism must lead us to jettison reason, and to replace it by a desperate hope for political miracles. this irrational attitude which springs from intoxication with dreams of a beautiful world is what i call romanticism. it may seek its heavenly city in the past or in the future; it may preach 'back to nature' or 'forward to a world of love and beauty'; but its appeal is always to our emotions rather than to reason. even with the best intentions of making heaven on earth it only succeeds in making it a hell - that hell which man alone prepares for his fellow-men.
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If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior. in other words, begin to act the part, as well as you can, of the person you would rather be, the person you most want to become. gradually, the old, fearful person will fade away.
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