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Back in the autumn i had awakened to a growing darkness and cacophony, as if something in the depths were crying out. a whole chorus of voices. orphaned voices. they seemed to speak for all the unlived parts of me, and they came with a force and dazzle that i couldn't contain. they seemed to explode the boundaries of my existence. i know now that they were the clamor of a new self struggling to be born.
-Sue Monk Kidd
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Back In The Autumn I Had Awakened

Sue Monk Kidd
Back in the autumn i had awakened to a growing darkness and cacophony, as if something in the depths were crying out. a whole chorus of voices. orphaned voices. they seemed to speak for all the unlived parts of me, and they came with a force and dazzle that i couldn't contain. they seemed to explode the boundaries of my existence. i know now that they were the clamor of a new self struggling to be born.
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Struggle Autumn Self

More From Sue Monk Kidd

You really shouldn’t do that to people," i criticized. "it’s hardly fair." "do what?" "dazzle them like that – she’s probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now." he seemed confused. "oh come on," i said dubiously. "you have to know the effect you have on people." he tilted his head to one side, and his eyes were curious. "i dazzle people?" "you haven’t noticed? do you think everybody gets their way so easily?" he ignored my questions. "do i dazzle you?" "frequently," i admitted.
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For its part, government will listen. we will strive to listen in new ways - to the voices of quiet anguish, to voices that speak without words, the voices of the heart, to the injured voices, and the anxious voices, and the voices that have despaired of being heard.
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There is a kind of crying i hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face.
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I realized the shells were talking in a voice i recognized. i should have; it was my own. had i always known that? i suppose i had. on some level, unless we're mad, i think most of us know the various voices of our own imaginations. and of our memories, of course. they have voices, too. ask anyone who has ever lost a limb or a child or a long-cherished dream. ask anyone who blames himself for a bad decision, usually made in a raw instant (an instant that is most commonly red). our memories have voices, too. often sad ones that clamor like raised arms in the dark.
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You're not eating anything," said marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. anne sighed. i can't. i'm in the depths of despair. can you eat when you are in the depths of despair?" i've never been in the depths of despair, so i can't say," responded marilla. weren't you? well, did you ever try to imagine you were in the depths of despair?" no, i didn't." then i don't think you can understand what it's like. it's very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.
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Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. darkness is in reality the absence of light. light we can study, but not darkness. in fact we can use newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. you cannot measure darkness. a simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. how can you know how dark a certain space is? you measure the amount of light present. isn't this correct? darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.
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