I Tell My Children To Avoid Theatre

Acting Has Been Described As Farting About In Disguise.

People're Artists They're Doing Something, Taking A Hunk Of Chaps, Giving It Some Order, Some Form, And Presenting It Saying Here Is My Little Song And Dance, My Chaos.

If You Can't Do Something Willingly And Joyfully, Then Don't Do It. If You Give Up Drinking, Don't Go Moaning About It; Go Back On The Bottle. Do. As. Thou. Wilt.

I Woke Up One Morning To Find I Was Famous. I Bought A White Rolls-royce And Drove Down Sunset Boulevard, Wearing Dark Specs And A White Suit, Waving Like The Queen Mum.

Irish Women Are Always Carrying Water On Their Heads, And Always Carrying Their Husbands Home From Pubs. Such Things Are The Greatest Posture-builders In The World.